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Claviarm

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Closed [2014.09.19 09:25 - Friday]
This place has been dead for a long time, and I'm finally making it official. Farewell, LJ.
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2013 Review [2013.12.31 18:58 - Tuesday]
It is hard to believe that it was less than a year ago that I embarked on my current path towards the nursing field. I have been at the top of all my prerequisite classes, I have gained experience as a CNA (and a vet tech, incidentally), and my application to nursing school proper is swiftly approaching. I have been unconsciously increasing the extent to which this objective consumes my time, since it all started. I realize now that it has gone too far--working too many hours in combination with classes has left me largely without any time for anything else. This itself would be fine, as a temporary measure to achieve a goal, but the impact on Kardokis combined with the loss of progress towards any of my other goals is too much to allow. I think that I must slow things down in the coming year.

What else has happened in the past year? Initially I find it hard to think of anything, which is itself proof of my obsession.

After RMFC, Kardokis started glowstringing. That was totally awesome, but I let it fade away because I've been busy all the time. I haven't done any myself in months. I haven't done any anything in months. Wake up, Claviarm, and realize that you're supposed to be more than just a nursing student.

Heh, this isn't how my annual reviews usually go.

Physically I'm doing well. I am in better condition now than ever. Mentally, I'm engaged with classes in a way that hasn't been the case for years, and I'm finding that I am even more suited to these studies now than when I made my first trip through college when I was younger. Emotionally, also better than ever, though there is much work I could do if I wasn't so distracted. Spiritual development has been a casualty of this recent busyness, which is utterly backwards compared to how things ought to be.

Finances are fine. (School is expensive!) Work is alright. Home life is good. Social life is minimal but I've been too busy to notice.

Moving forward into the new year, I need to remember to listen to my heart rather than my mind. A lesson I've learned many times, yet apparently still forget.
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Life [2013.03.29 19:38 - Friday]
Today I helped bring five lives into the world.

Caesarian section on a dachshund mother; five pups. When pups are removed this way they won't wake up on their own; they need to be stimulated into breathing--this is accomplished through the very advanced technique of holding them in a towel and rubbing like crazy. If successful, they'll first react with sporadic breaths, and eventually regular breathing. I seemed to get good results, and so the pups that were doing poorly were passed to me.

At one point, one of them regressed from breathing occasionally to not breathing at all. Standard procedure wasn't working. I let the towel fall away and gently placed my fingers directly on the pup--no rubbing, no movement, just contact and hope. Immediately it started breathing--one, two, three times... regular breathing, not sporadic as before. In an instant, the outlook had changed from bleak to bright.

All five pups went home alive. The owner told me that the two previous c-sections done for dogs of hers resulted in not a single pup surviving.

During and after the procedure, the others present called me things ranging from "the expert rubber" to "the one with the magic hands." They also say I'm going to be very good working in human medicine. I don't know if any of that is warranted; all I know is that I'm on the right course. Even as a child, I knew that I was meant to be a healer. It took me almost thirty years to do anything about it, but now that I've started down that path I have no doubt it is my calling.

Instead of a white robe with red triangle trim, I'm wearing scrubs. It's not precisely the image of my fantasies, but I feel every bit as fulfilled.
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2012 Review [2012.12.31 22:55 - Monday]
I decided to ditch the formal categories this year in favor of writing whatever comes to mind.

I live with my mate of nine years in a larger home than we need, at the edge of a small town where nobody bothers us. I have family in town, and Kardokis's family is a day's drive away. Things are good.

Physically I am probably in better condition now than I have ever been, overall.

As for work... I play with dogs for a living. I've certainly had less enjoyable jobs. And it's extremely part time, which is great as far as I'm concerned. I have the money I need to support my modest desires, and the time to pursue those goals I wish to.

A little over a year ago I became rather enamored with glowstringing. Since then I have practiced with varying dedication, and while I have learned much, I still have a long way to go. It is an odd feeling to think back on the days when I struggled with the most basic of techniques, and to know that the things which challenge me now will one day be just as effortless. This endeavor has been quite fulfilling for me, and I'm glad that I chanced across the fellow who inspired me to begin.

Last year as I wrote my annual review I enacted a new standard for how I spend my time. My application has been imperfect, but nonetheless I have broken free of a few cognitive traps and I feel it has yielded good results. Over the past few months I've been growing gradually more lax about it, and now is as good a time as any to correct that. It is time to renew my focus, and to re-dedicate myself to that quest I began eleven years ago.
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September 9, 2012 [2012.09.09 13:36 - Sunday]
Today is the ninth anniversary of Kardokis and I. Tomorrow we shall journey to the town of farming to obtain and consume an onion, as is our tradition.
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Attrition [2012.03.20 19:04 - Tuesday]
About a year and a half ago, my mate kardokis and I moved here to Cortez. The financial benefits were too great to pass up, and as I have never been one to require very much social contact, I figured that things wouldn't be too bad--I'd be neighbors with my brother Lavarion and have other family in town as well.

Lavarion has been suffering for some time from a number of issues that I need not detail here. Suffice it to say that he has been gradually withdrawing from the outside world, and today it was made clear that I wouldn't be seeing him for an indeterminate amount of time. I do not know if this is on the scale of weeks, or eternity.

My father died when I was 18. I don't know how long Lavarion will last, but I do not at all expect him to see old age. For the purposes of my own experience, he might be gone already. I'm running out of family.

Between that and a decrease in the local furry population, Kardokis and I are now almost completely alone out here, and I am starting to feel it. I suppose that is the risk of entering a situation that provides only exactly what one needs, with no extra buffer.

I find myself questioning if this is the right place for us after all, though any other options present significant disadvantages of their own. Combined with a few other recent events, I feel a bit as though the world is closing in on me.
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2011 Review [2011.12.31 17:15 - Saturday]
Domestic: I live with my mate of eight years, kardokis, in a larger home than we need, at the edge of a small town where nobody bothers us. I have family in town, and Kardokis's family is a day's drive away. Same as last year, except Kardokis's sleep schedule has become even more ridiculous. 8/10

Social: Alas, one of the few furries in the area has moved away, and Lavarion has stopped playing games so I no longer see him online. Otherwise, things are as they've always been here--I see family fairly often, and otherwise I am left alone by the world. 7/10

Occupational: I did a bit of work over the holiday season, to replenish my reserves and make a few purchases. More valuable than the money, perhaps, is having been reminded that punching a clock is working to make somebody else rich--not a wise choice in how to spend one's life, I think. Can I find and pursue a better option? We shall see. 8/10

Financial: Just peachy, all things considered. But the price of cheese has gone crazy. 8/10
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Physical: Generally good. Better than ever, in one particular respect which is sort of my focus right now.

Mental: Probably the greatest downside of working was that it left no time for me to learn anything. It is a crushing feeling to look back over past months and realize that one has accomplished nothing other than earning a paycheck. Now that it's done with, I can resume my exploration.

Emotional: I have recognized a few improvements that could be made, but this is of course only as useful as my ability to follow through.

Spiritual: I cannot say that I have made any meaningful progress compared to where I was a year ago. In many ways this has been a wasteful year.
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Unrelated to the new year, I am planning what may be some rather significant changes for the future in terms of how I spend my time. I have fallen into a few cognitive traps that I need to break out of. Hopefully these changes will bear fruit over the coming year.
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Generic Update #45789 [2011.10.17 21:41 - Monday]
Life continues to be pretty fantastic. I'm learning many things, some of which are part of secret projects and some of which are not.

One of the things I'm learning is Linux, and I'm finding it to be quite nice. I still believe it will never become mainstream, but for my purposes it does a very good job, and the price can't be beat. Perhaps best of all, in exploring Linux I've finally found a group of people who don't look at me askance for wanting to throttle my CPU to reduce heat and noise. It's always nice to find like-minded people.

Speaking of which, for the past few days I've been experiencing a feeling which I can only describe as "content with my furriness." Even seeing people speak ill of furries just makes me smile, because it reminds me, hey, being a furry is pretty great. There's a lot of cynicism and negativity out there these days, since that's the hip thing on the internet right now, but I've always favored those who aren't afraid to be who they want to be, without excuses or justifications that they're "only doing it ironically." Recently I feel all the more compelled to seek out such people, to share this happiness that I feel.

Crazy as it is, kardokis and I may be making the long drive out to California to attend FC with zi_mugudarina. Details are still being worked out. After living for a year in this small town and attending the tiny-by-comparison RMFC, the formerly-familiar Further Confusion seems unwieldy and intimidating! It will be a magical adventure for sure, bookended by torturous days of driving!
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October 8, 2011 [2011.10.08 20:03 - Saturday]
It is the eight year, one month, and negative-one day anniversary of Kardokis and I! It's only the post that was forgotten this year. We had a fine trip to Farmington on the appropriate day to consume a large onion, as is our tradition.
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A dark day indeed [2011.10.08 17:51 - Saturday]
Spellcheck has decided that "doughnuts" is some kind of nonsense and that surely I mean "donuts." How long until it supports "drive thru" and "all nite" as well?
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