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RMFC [2011.08.23 20:06 - Tuesday]
Everything felt normal all weekend long, but as I walked out of the hotel for the last time, leaving the con behind me, I started crying.

It really doesn't hit you until the end.
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Travel [2011.08.10 12:07 - Wednesday]
Kardokis and I will be departing to the other side of the rockies on Friday morning, to attend RMFC and then to visit his family in Longmont.

One of the things I enjoy about travel is treating it as an obstacle--planning the most cost-effective course of action at the expense of comfort, preparing dry rations to last through the con, and so on. (Frugality is fun! Hardship is fulfilling! I think I'm mostly alone in these feelings!)

It only occurred to me this morning that this attitude might be troublesome for Kardokis if he doesn't enjoy the same thing. Traveling with a guy who's eating hardtack probably isn't too enjoyable if he was wanting to spend a few days in a more traditional sort of 'vacation' mode, which I don't ever do if I'm in charge. I had better ask him!
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Fulfilment [2011.08.09 21:30 - Tuesday]
We went to Cold Stone this evening, and not only were there other people driving on the road I used, there were other customers inside the store. And some of them were young people! I don't know what this town is coming to. It's supposed to be empty, and the young are supposed to leave after high school and not come back until they're ready to retire.

Cortez allows me to live as the bitter old man I always wanted to be. It is a fine life.
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More Latin [2011.06.09 21:21 - Thursday]
Since a few months ago, OmoBan has been using Second Life and its inbuilt voice chat to have social gatherings since we're now scattered across the country. This evening, while waiting for others to log in, I was looking through the profiles of nearby people and found one had a Latin quote in it--nos reprobo quis nos operor non agnosco.

I couldn't make much sense of it, and quickly realized that's because the phrase was written by someone who never studied Latin and just did a word-by-word translation from English without knowing any grammar. But hey, that's common, and Latin is a dead language so it doesn't especially matter.

Regardless, I gave the person a more accurate rendering, only to learn that the phrase in her profile was in fact tattooed on her body in real life. And then I felt very awkward.

The lesson of the day is to get your translation done by someone who knows the language before having it permanently inscribed on your flesh.
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Dreaming in Latin [2011.03.27 08:21 - Sunday]
In a dream last night, someone wanted me to leave the area I was in, and I was asking them about it in Latin for some reason. What's interesting is that instead of using the word for "to leave," I used surgere--"to wake up"--without realizing my wholly appropriate error.

I think my subconscious is making fun of me. If nothing else, it is certainly the most subtle episode of false lucidity I've experienced.
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Footprints [2011.03.01 21:38 - Tuesday]
One morning a few weeks ago, when there was still snow on the ground, I discovered that there were footprints coming out of my garage, going across the front lawn to the front door and then back out through the driveway. They were made sometime during the night, in all likelihood, and I can imagine no legitimate reason someone would have to be in those places.

The footprints were large. Certainly from a male, and not a small one. It's not the first time I've noticed tracks through my property, but it is the first time that the person making them was in my garage, as far as I know.

It is hard to describe the feeling of knowing someone has been lurking about while I sleep. I don't know if there will be any more snow until next winter, so I may not have any indication if this person returns. The fact that he did not bother to avoid leaving tracks suggests he is either mentally lacking--either for not realizing walking in the snow leaves tracks, or if innocuous, for not realizing that poking around peoples' houses isn't acceptable in our society--or that he is too brazen to care. The latter possibility is especially troubling.
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Family [2011.01.22 22:40 - Saturday]
I have always bought in to the idea that furries are a sort of family. It's not an idea that I hear very often any more, what with the increasing cynicism found on the internet and thus in a largely internet-based community such as ours, but I still like to think of it that way. The world could use more kinship and unity, if you ask me.

I have also for some time harbored... I suppose the best word is 'fantasies' (though I think that word has become a bit tainted) of helping some member of this family in a time of need. I've always offered a hand when I could, giving someone a ride or helping with a move, but I'm talking about something bigger--giving someone a place to stay when they have nowhere else to turn, or somesuch.

Back in California, it seemed like there was always someone in need, but I had little to give. Most of the time there was scarcely enough room for Kardokis and myself.

Now that I am here, I have much to give, but nobody to give it to.
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2010: Combined Review [2010.12.31 10:35 - Friday]
Why hello, tradition, what are you doing here?

Domestic: This year I moved from Citrus Heights, CA to Cortez, CO. I live with my mate of seven years, kardokis, in a larger home than we need, at the edge of a small town where nobody bothers us. I have family in town, and Kardokis's family is a day's drive away. The only downside is that we've left zi_mugudarina behind in California, which is a regrettable loss indeed. 8/10

Social: Lavarion is nearby, though I don't see him in person as often as I might like. But I see him online, as I do Cuthain. Otherwise my time is spent with Kardokis, which is fine by me. I've been terribly lazy about meeting local furries, though--they seem to be good folks; I really need to get around to that. 8/10

Financial: Pfffahahaha! 9/10

Occupational: This year I got to change modes completely and do social and managerial work instead of the physical labor that I so enjoy. I am starting to wonder if there is any work I do not like. At the moment I am doing nothing, as is most often the case.

There is a new direction I'd like to go. I don't know if I will do well, or even do at all. It would probably take a long time before I could actually profit from it, but I have the opportunity to try thanks to my situation, if I so choose. 9/10

Physical: My back seems to be having more trouble than usual since I arrived here. I can likely blame the soft bed that I've been using, as opposed to my traditional floor-pad. Otherwise things are decent. The gravel driveway keeps my feet in good condition. I had a nice high point around the middle of this year which I have regrettably not reclaimed yet.

Mental: Other than an occasional foray into poetry, and a bit of study regarding the endeavor spoken of in the occupational section, I haven't really done much here.

Emotional: Progress. Slightly.

Spiritual: For the first time in a long while, I can say that things have gotten better in this department. Having broken myself from listening to the radio as I go to bed*, I am able to remember my dreams once more. I am beginning to feel the pulse of the world again. There is still much to be done, but at least I am back on the path.

(* I used to have trouble getting to sleep without it. I stopped cold turkey, of course--a man once told me, when talking about how he quit smoking, that if you have the willpower to quit at all, then you have the willpower to quit immediately. Anything else is just self delusion. I think that may be true, and I pride myself on my willpower, so that is how I do things.)
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Order in Chaos [2010.11.15 10:12 - Monday]
In the last year or so I've been experiencing rather long bouts of coherence in some dreams. Last night, for example, things were going along rather dreamily--my family and I were just arriving at a library in order to get some woodworking material, but the library was full of candy rather than the wood I had come for (to say nothing of books) and this all seemed perfectly normal.

But then I started explaining to my mother how the external power switch on a computer functions. The description was orderly and accurate, the topic did not waver or transform into anything else. A guy interrupted me halfway through to ask if I could recover lost data on damaged hard drives, and I spent a minute or two answering that. But here's the part I'd never expect from a dream: Rather than going off on some other tangent, I picked up the prior explanation right where I'd left off and finished it, still fully coherent and accurate.

I wonder if it indicates anything.
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Slope [2010.11.11 12:14 - Thursday]
For a number of years I've noticed that when I check up on someone I used to know, they have almost always declined--their body, their situation, sometimes even their morals. They've gotten in to drugs, debt, or damaging relationships. It's strange to see it so often, because my own life just gets better and better as time goes on.

But you know, now that I sit down and think about it, that's generally only the case with people who I lost touch with because I found them objectionable somehow. People who I was on good terms with are usually doing just fine, as I recall.

Mm. It's probably best if I don't follow that line of thought any further.
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